he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is wine microwaveable?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
