The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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