we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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