Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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