you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize