Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
