Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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