I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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