Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
