My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
