then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
