a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
