That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
