Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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