if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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