My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
