I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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