it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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