Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
