i just made my gag reflex go away.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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