i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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