Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Terrible idea I love it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
