Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Someone signed my nipple.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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