I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
