Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
