I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
