I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
