literally had 100 drinks last night.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize