you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
