Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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