Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
