Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
