Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
