there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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