Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
