$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
