you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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