Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize