I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
