Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
