sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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