Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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