Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
