Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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