This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
