i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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