God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just had sex on a roof
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
