Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
