I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize