It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
