Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
