Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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