Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
