I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
