she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Found the puke drawer
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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