It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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