Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
