Jerry, you need to find god
I'm eating all of the evidence.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
