I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize