I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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