Don't you send me to vm
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
