she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
