I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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