I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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