does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
