hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
