it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
