david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
