pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
