Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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