good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
