I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
