i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
