my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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