Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
