did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
MIDGETS
????
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
