there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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