who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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