How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
