He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My balls are so social today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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