There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize