I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wear drunk well.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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