sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Welp...herpes.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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