Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No subtext here. People are naked.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
