i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
