How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
