a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize