he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
