I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
