I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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