my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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