Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
