alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
