Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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