So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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