my sisters under your porch take her home
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
MIDGETS
????
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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