My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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