Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
