ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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