She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
