i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
