Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
