Soap is not a condiment
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
