I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
