I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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