so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
