I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
