just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
