mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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