It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
