Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
