yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
