On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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