Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
