you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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