He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
