Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
