I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
