My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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