My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
