either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
