I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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