His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
