i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize