it hurts more in the daytime
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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